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ThatEdmundmustbeforeverdividedfromMissCrawforddidnotadmitofadoubtwithFanny;andyet,tillsheknewthathefeltthesame,herownconvictionwasinsufficient49.Shethoughthedid,butshewantedtobeassuredofit.Ifhewouldnowspeaktoherwiththeunreservewhichhadsometimesbeentoomuchforherbefore,itwouldbemostconsoling;butthatshefoundwasnottobe.Sheseldomsawhim:neveralone.Heprobablyavoidedbeingalonewithher.Whatwastobeinferred?Thathisjudgment50submittedtoallhisownpeculiar51andbittershareofthisfamilyaffliction,butthatitwastookeenlyfelttobeasubjectoftheslightestcommunication.Thismustbehisstate.Heyielded,butitwaswithagonieswhichdidnotadmitofspeech.Long,longwoulditbeereMissCrawford'snamepassedhislipsagain,orshecouldhopeforarenewal52ofsuchconfidential53intercourse54ashadbeen.Itwaslong.TheyreachedMansfieldonThursday,anditwasnottillSundayeveningthatEdmundbegantotalktoheronthesubject.SittingwithheronSundayevening--awetSundayevening--theverytimeofallotherswhen,ifafriendisathand,theheartmustbeopened,andeverythingtold;nooneelseintheroom,excepthismother,who,afterhearinganaffectingsermon,hadcriedherselftosleep,itwasimpossiblenottospeak;andso,withtheusualbeginnings,hardlytobetracedastowhatcamefirst,andtheusualdeclarationthatifshewouldlistentohimforafewminutes,heshouldbeverybrief,andcertainlynevertaxherkindnessinthesamewayagain;sheneednotfeararepetition;itwouldbeasubjectprohibitedentirely:heenteredupontheluxuryofrelatingcircumstancesandsensationsofthefirstinteresttohimself,tooneofwhoseaffectionatesympathyhewasquiteconvinced.HowFannylistened,withwhatcuriosityandconcern,whatpainandwhatdelight,howtheagitation55ofhisvoicewaswatched,andhowcarefullyherowneyeswerefixedonanyobjectbuthimself,maybeimagined.Theopeningwasalarming.HehadseenMissCrawford.Hehadbeeninvitedtoseeher.HehadreceivedanotefromLadyStornawaytobeghimtocall;andregardingitaswhatwasmeanttobethelast,lastinterviewoffriendship,andinvestingherwithallthefeelingsofshameandwretchednesswhichCrawford'ssisteroughttohaveknown,hehadgonetoherinsuchastateofmind,sosoftened56,sodevoted,asmadeitforafewmomentsimpossibletoFanny'sfearsthatitshouldbethelast.Butasheproceededinhisstory,thesefearswereover.Shehadmethim,hesaid,withaserious--certainlyaserious--evenanagitated57air;butbeforehehadbeenabletospeakoneintelligible58sentence,shehadintroducedthesubjectinamannerwhichheownedhadshockedhim."'Iheardyouwereintown,'saidshe;'Iwantedtoseeyou.Letustalkoverthissadbusiness.Whatcanequalthefollyofourtworelations?'Icouldnotanswer,butIbelievemylooksspoke59.Shefeltreproved.Sometimeshowquicktofeel!Withagraverlookandvoiceshethenadded,'IdonotmeantodefendHenryatyoursister'sexpense.'Soshebegan,buthowshewenton,Fanny,isnotfit,ishardlyfittoberepeatedtoyou.Icannotrecallallherwords.IwouldnotdwelluponthemifIcould.Theirsubstancewasgreatangeratthefollyofeach.Shereprobatedherbrother'sfollyinbeingdrawn60onbyawomanwhomhehadnevercaredfor,todowhatmustlosehimthewomanheadored;butstillmorethefollyofpoorMaria,insacrificingsuchasituation,plunging61intosuchdifficulties,undertheideaofbeingreallylovedbyamanwhohadlongagomadehisindifferenceclear.GuesswhatImusthavefelt.Tohearthewomanwhom--noharshernamethanfollygiven!Sovoluntarily,sofreely,socoollytocanvass62it!Noreluctance63,nohorror,nofeminine,shallIsay,nomodestloathings?Thisiswhattheworlddoes.Forwhere,Fanny,shallwefindawomanwhomnaturehadsorichlyendowed?Spoilt,spoilt!"Afteralittlereflection,hewentonwithasortofdesperatecalmness."Iwilltellyoueverything,andthenhavedoneforever.Shesawitonlyasfolly,andthatfollystampedonlybyexposure.Thewantofcommondiscretion,ofcaution:hisgoingdowntoRichmondforthewholetimeofherbeingatTwickenham;herputtingherselfinthepowerofaservant;itwasthedetection,inshort--oh,Fanny!itwasthedetection,nottheoffence,whichshereprobated.Itwastheimprudencewhichhadbroughtthingstoextremity64,andobligedherbrothertogiveupeverydearerplaninordertoflywithher."Hestopt."Andwhat,"saidFanny(believingherselfrequiredtospeak),"whatcouldyousay?""Nothing,nothingtobeunderstood.Iwaslikeamanstunned65.Shewenton,begantotalkofyou;yes,thenshebegantotalkofyou,regretting,aswellshemight,thelossofsucha--.Thereshespokeveryrationally.Butshehasalwaysdonejusticetoyou.'Hehasthrownaway,'saidshe,'suchawomanashewillneverseeagain.Shewouldhavefixedhim;shewouldhavemadehimhappyforever.'MydearestFanny,Iamgivingyou,Ihope,morepleasurethanpainbythisretrospect66ofwhatmighthavebeen--butwhatnevercanbenow.Youdonotwishmetobesilent?Ifyoudo,givemebutalook,aword,andIhavedone."Nolookorwordwasgiven."ThankGod,"saidhe."Wewerealldisposedtowonder,butitseemstohavebeenthemercifulappointmentofProvidence67thattheheartwhichknewnoguile68shouldnotsuffer.Shespokeofyouwithhighpraiseandwarmaffection;yet,evenhere,therewasalloy69,adashofevil;forinthemidstofitshecouldexclaim,'Whywouldnotshehavehim?Itisallherfault.Simplegirl!Ishallneverforgiveher.Hadsheacceptedhimassheought,theymightnowhavebeenonthepointofmarriage,andHenrywouldhavebeentoohappyandtoobusytowantanyotherobject.HewouldhavetakennopainstobeontermswithMrs.Rushworthagain.Itwouldhaveallendedinaregularstanding70flirtation71,inyearlymeetingsatSothertonandEveringham.'Couldyouhavebelieveditpossible?Butthecharmisbroken.Myeyesareopened.""Cruel!"saidFanny,"quitecruel.Atsuchamomenttogivewaytogaiety,tospeakwithlightness,andtoyou!Absolutecruelty.""Cruelty,doyoucallit?Wedifferthere.No,hersisnotacruelnature.Idonotconsiderherasmeaningtowoundmyfeelings.Theevilliesyetdeeper:inhertotalignorance,unsuspiciousnessoftherebeingsuchfeelings;inaperversion72ofmindwhichmadeitnaturaltohertotreatthesubjectasshedid.Shewasspeakingonlyasshehadbeenusedtohearothersspeak,assheimaginedeverybodyelsewouldspeak.Hersarenotfaultsoftemper.Shewouldnotvoluntarilygiveunnecessarypaintoanyone,andthoughImaydeceivemyself,Icannotbutthinkthatforme,formyfeelings,shewould--Hersarefaultsofprinciple,Fanny;ofblunteddelicacy73andacorrupted74,vitiatedmind.Perhapsitisbestforme,sinceitleavesmesolittletoregret.Notso,however.GladlywouldIsubmittoalltheincreasedpainoflosingher,ratherthanhavetothinkofherasIdo.Itoldherso.""Didyou?""Yes;whenIleftherItoldherso.""Howlongwereyoutogether?""Five-and-twentyminutes.Well,shewentontosaythatwhatremainednowtobedonewastobringaboutamarriagebetweenthem.Shespokeofit,Fanny,withasteadiervoicethanIcan."Hewasobligedtopausemorethanonceashecontinued."'WemustpersuadeHenrytomarryher,'saidshe;'andwhatwithhonour,andthecertaintyofhavingshuthimselfoutforeverfromFanny,Idonotdespairofit.Fannyhemustgiveup.Idonotthinkthatevenhecouldnowhopetosucceedwithoneofherstamp,andthereforeIhopewemayfindnoinsuperabledifficulty.Myinfluence,whichisnotsmallshallallgothatway;andwhenoncemarried,andproperlysupportedbyherownfamily,peopleofrespectabilityastheyare,shemayrecoverherfootinginsocietytoacertaindegree.Insomecircles,weknow,shewouldneverbeadmitted,butwithgooddinners,andlargeparties,therewillalwaysbethosewhowillbegladofheracquaintance;andthereis,undoubtedly75,moreliberalityandcandouronthosepointsthanformerly76.WhatIadviseis,thatyourfatherbequiet.Donotlethiminjurehisowncausebyinterference.Persuadehimtoletthingstaketheircourse.Ifbyanyofficiousexertionsofhis,sheisinducedtoleaveHenry'sprotection,therewillbemuchlesschanceofhismarryingherthanifsheremainwithhim.Iknowhowheislikelytobeinfluenced.LetSirThomastrusttohishonourandcompassion77,anditmayallendwell;butifhegethisdaughteraway,itwillbedestroyingthechiefhold.'"Afterrepeatingthis,Edmundwassomuchaffected78thatFanny,watchinghimwithsilent,butmosttenderconcern,wasalmostsorrythatthesubjecthadbeenenteredonatall.Itwaslongbeforehecouldspeakagain.Atlast,"Now,Fanny,"saidhe,"Ishallsoonhavedone.Ihavetoldyouthesubstanceofallthatshesaid.AssoonasIcouldspeak,IrepliedthatIhadnotsupposeditpossible,cominginsuchastateofmindintothathouseasIhaddone,thatanythingcouldoccurtomakemesuffermore,butthatshehadbeeninflicting79deeperwoundsinalmosteverysentence.ThatthoughIhad,inthecourseofouracquaintance,beenoftensensibleofsomedifferenceinouropinions,onpoints,too,ofsomemoment,ithadnotenteredmyimaginationtoconceivethedifferencecouldbesuchasshehadnowprovedit.Thatthemannerinwhichshetreatedthedreadfulcrimecommittedbyherbrotherandmysister(withwhomlaythegreaterseductionIpretendednottosay),butthemannerinwhichshespokeofthecrimeitself,givingiteveryreproachbuttheright;consideringitsillconsequencesonlyastheyweretobebravedoroverbornebyadefiance80ofdecency81andimpudence82inwrong;andlastofall,andaboveall,recommendingtousacompliance83,acompromise,anacquiescence84inthecontinuanceofthesin,onthechanceofamarriagewhich,thinkingasInowthoughtofherbrother,shouldratherbepreventedthansought;allthistogethermostgrievouslyconvincedmethatIhadneverunderstoodherbefore,andthat,asfarasrelatedtomind,ithadbeenthecreatureofmyownimagination,notMissCrawford,thatIhadbeentooapttodwellonformanymonthspast.That,perhaps,itwasbestforme;Ihadlesstoregretinsacrificingafriendship,feelings,hopeswhichmust,atanyrate,havebeentornfrommenow.Andyet,thatImustandwouldconfessthat,couldIhaverestoredhertowhatshehadappearedtomebefore,Iwouldinfinitely85preferanyincreaseofthepainofparting,forthesakeofcarryingwithmetherightoftendernessandesteem86.ThisiswhatIsaid,thepurport87ofit;but,asyoumayimagine,notspokensocollectedlyormethodicallyasIhaverepeatedittoyou.Shewasastonished,exceedinglyastonished--morethanastonished.Isawherchangecountenance88.Sheturnedextremelyred.IimaginedIsawamixtureofmanyfeelings:agreat,thoughshortstruggle;halfawishofyieldingtotruths,halfasenseofshame,buthabit,habitcarriedit.Shewouldhavelaughedifshecould.Itwasasortoflaugh,assheanswered,'Aprettygoodlecture,uponmyword.Wasitpartofyourlastsermon?AtthisrateyouwillsoonreformeverybodyatMansfieldandThorntonLacey;andwhenIhearofyounext,itmaybeasacelebrated89preacherinsomegreatsocietyofMethodists,orasamissionary90intoforeignparts.'Shetriedtospeakcarelessly,butshewasnotsocarelessasshewantedtoappear.Ionlysaidinreply,thatfrommyheartIwishedherwell,andearnestlyhopedthatshemightsoonlearntothinkmorejustly,andnotowethemostvaluableknowledgewecouldanyofusacquire,theknowledgeofourselvesandofourduty,tothelessonsofaffliction,andimmediatelylefttheroom.Ihadgoneafewsteps,Fanny,whenIheardthedooropenbehindme.'Mr.Bertram,'saidshe.Ilookedback.'Mr.Bertram,'saidshe,withasmile;butitwasasmileill-suitedtotheconversationthathadpassed,asaucy91playfulsmile,seemingtoinviteinordertosubdue92me;atleastitappearedsotome.Iresisted;itwastheimpulseofthemomenttoresist,andstillwalkedon.Ihavesince,sometimes,foramoment,regrettedthatIdidnotgoback,butIknowIwasright,andsuchhasbeentheendofouracquaintance.Andwhatanacquaintancehasitbeen!HowhaveIbeendeceived!Equallyinbrotherandsisterdeceived!Ithankyouforyourpatience,Fanny.Thishasbeenthegreatestrelief,andnowwewillhavedone."AndsuchwasFanny'sdependence93onhiswords,thatforfiveminutesshethoughttheyhaddone.Then,however,itallcameonagain,orsomethingverylikeit,andnothinglessthanLadyBertram'srousingthoroughly94upcouldreallyclosesuchaconversation.Tillthathappened,theycontinuedtotalkofMissCrawfordalone,andhowshehadattachedhim,andhowdelightful95naturehadmadeher,andhowexcellentshewouldhavebeen,hadshefallenintogoodhandsearlier.Fanny,nowatlibertytospeakopenly,feltmorethanjustifiedinaddingtohisknowledgeofherrealcharacter,bysomehintofwhatsharehisbrother'sstateofhealthmightbesupposedtohaveinherwishforacompletereconciliation96.Thiswasnotanagreeableintimation.Natureresisteditforawhile.Itwouldhavebeenavastdealpleasantertohavehadhermoredisinterested97inherattachment;buthisvanitywasnotofastrengthtofightlongagainstreason.HesubmittedtobelievethatTom'sillnesshadinfluencedher,onlyreservingforhimselfthisconsolingthought,thatconsideringthemanycounteractionsofopposinghabits,shehadcertainlybeenmoreattachedtohimthancouldhavebeenexpected,andforhissakebeenmoreneardoingright.Fannythoughtexactlythesame;andtheywerealsoquiteagreedintheiropinionofthelasting98effect,theindelibleimpression,whichsuchadisappointmentmustmakeonhismind.Timewouldundoubtedlyabate99somewhatofhissufferings,butstillitwasasortofthingwhichhenevercouldgetentirelythebetterof;andastohisevermeetingwithanyotherwomanwhocould--itwastooimpossibletobenamedbutwithindignation.Fanny'sfriendshipwasallthathehadtoclingto.

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