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题目：when new town is planned，it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in，agree or disagree trend

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正文：

Never has the topic concerning the construction(这个其实是城市建设规划的问题，urban planning) failed to attract our attention. However, when it comes to new town layouts(这个和上面的句子也构不成转折关系，应该是因果关系，所以：under this circumstance), people hold divergent views. Some people are adamant that public areas will be conducive, while others contend that commercial areas will be beneficial to the town’s development in the future（这种表达有点啰嗦，不如直接和上一句连成一句话, views whether constructing public parks and sports facilities carries heavier weight than shopping centers）. From my perspective, the two views are not mutually exclusive.

 

It is undeniable that the public facilities would bring some profits(表达比较单一，do a great job in improving life quality of the city). First and foremost, such public facilities can have(allow urban areas to have) more spaces to create a large scale green by planting(to plant) various trees and flowers(vegetations), which can refresh area air, and also mitigate the remorseless rush of pollution(which can mitigate the remorseless rush of pollution by upgrading air quality).This is due to the fact that the splendid green landscape can improve residents’ mood and wake up their awareness of environmental protection(这句可以去掉，没什么意义，再说环境污染也不是你说的角度啊). Moreover, local public parks or sport facilities can keep them healthy.It is not rare to see that a soaring number of people get different diseases at their early age. The key reason lies in the fact that under the high level of working or studying pressure（due to fierce competition and ever-accelerated living tempo,语言表达不简练）, most people have not much consciousness about doing more exercise to keep fit and healthy（Meanwhile， numerous high-rise buildings and busy transport have deprived people of the opportunity to touch the nature for exercise, 写作的教育要扣题，这个非常重要）. Therefore, the government has the ability and responsibility to construct the（more） public facilities to ensure residents have spaces（sufficient space） to do sports to strengthen people’s physical quality in their leisure(physical well-being).

其实也不仅仅是锻炼身体啊，还可以放松（lighten up their mood and refresh their spirit）

 

Although the benefits of public areas are multifarious, the merits of shopping centers can not(合在一起写，cannot) be underestimated. On the top of the list, it is widely acknowledged that with the soaring number of town residents(表达上升和上面的重复，with more population pouring into the town), consumer demand is also growing(at an amazing rate). Since the income of people is increasing day-by-day, under such circumstances, they have more and more spare money to improve their living quality(没有太说明白，in this case,the existence of more shopping centers can satisfy those requirements of city inhabitants. Simultaneously, more consumption is extremely effective in boosting the benign circle of economy without doubt). In addition,this measure(practice,做法) can diminish the crime rate（这个点有点扯了）. This is because shopping centers will provide various jobs, which will benefit people who unemployment（unemployed people） from impoverished families. This is why local government has to build some shopping centers to curb such severe consequences.

其实可以从互补性的角度去写好处，比如现在的购物中心都是大型的综合体（large-scale complex）,里面可以购物，可以健身，可以吃饭和从事各种娱乐，也弥补了如果天气不好的时候户外设施不方便人们休闲的遗憾）

 

To sum up,developing public areas and shopping centers will be profitable（to） local citizens’ life. Only by integrating the two can we enjoy the pleasure rather than pressure and make local facilities serve its intended purpose（没说明白，can the city planning benefit its residents immensely in a long run）.

 

TR 写作任务回应 5.5

CC连贯与衔接5.5

G 语法 6

V 词汇 6

总分：6分

 

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